A Realization About Being a 9-5 Parent Moonlighting as a Writer

I can hear them just outside the French doors of our home office.

I glance at the clock on the lower right hand corner of the screen…

7:45 PM.

It’s very rare that I’m here writing this early in the evening.

My parenting role normally takes me right up until 9 or 10:30 PM.

That’s when I have peace and quiet.

• No cats roaming around asking to be let out.

• No dogs nuzzling me begging for a belly scratch.

• No kids running around screaming and fighting over the last gummy bear.

• No wife requesting that I run to the mailbox at the end of our neighborhood to get a package.

• No distractions. No chores. No noise.

Nothing.

The thing that I’m viscerally aware of at this very moment is that I’m wearing my headphones.

Everything beyond that door has been erased from my immediate awareness.

It’s about as close to the normal routine as I can get.

…and it’s unsettling because of what I know now.

The truth about parenting

For as long as I’ve been a parent, I’ve put it first in my priorities at home.

Being a kiddy resort manager is a busy thing, especially when it’s a game not unlike 52-card pick up (IYKYK).

The only difference is that your kids always have another deck ready.

My typical day at home is an endless figure eight in a three-dimensional space that is the layout of our home.

I take a lap around the first floor but take the stairs to the second floor to complete the circuit through the laundry room and the bedrooms before returning back down to the first floor.

By then, my boys have managed to undo most of what I just did.

The key word is “most”.

As long as I’m at least a half a step ahead of the chaos, I can manage to put out fires before they start to spread.

It’s pretty manageable when my wife is also doing the circuit in reverse, so we’ve got the whole house covered.

Unfortunately, that only happens on the weekends.

Weekdays are where the fun really kicks up a notch.

By the time I come home from work, the kids usually simulate some natural disaster in the three hours they have from the moment they come home from school.

On those days, it’s a tag team system. I clock in as my wife clocks out.

It’s about as overwhelming as it sounds on some days.

But here’s the truth:

I love a good challenge. Always have.

As with any good challenge, they eventually come to an end.

As our children get older, the chaos will migrate and concentrate to other aspects of life.

It’s already started.

The days are long…the years are short

I look at the time again.

8:15 PM

I’m getting faster at this writing thing.

After years of doing it daily, it’s become a habit that anchors my awareness more to the present; a routine that enables me to think more clearly and express my emotions, not to mention capture some of the best moments of my life.

Sleep depravity for these first few years with starting a family have been brutal (especially because I started in my mid 30s).

Now that this season is ending, I realize that it’s one I wouldn’t have traded for anything.

The struggle of maintaining the routine as they were finding their feet (literally) was what pushed me forward as well.

Being here while they’re out there just beyond our home office while they are still awake feels alien to me.

It’s as if I’m disconnected from them.

It’s not a fun feeling.

I know that this is going to become more common as they start living their lives more independently.

There were moments in the past when I would have given anything just for another 30 minutes of what’s happening now.

I can already feel that the opposite will be true sooner than I wish.

As Ryan Holiday’s book title states: “the obstacle is the way”.

The only way to fully live life is to face challenges head-on.

Those who divide their attention in an attempt to find ways around them struggle.

If you’re a parent, then you know this season well.

There will always be a part of you that will operate as if you are still that sleep-deprived parent struggling in the night.

Some only realize later that spending as much time as they could with their kids when they wanted them around was a magical time.

You only get to experience life’s seasons once.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking it will come again if you choose to ignore it.

As I finish writing this, my youngest has pushed his way into the office.

His face is covered in chocolate.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s bath time.