Comparison: the pothole in the road

Keeping up with appearances is a sad way to live.

It’s a lifelong pissing match that can never be won, a tug-of-war between two egos of similar size. It’s why you have all these useless things that add zero value around your home like the clothes you wore once, the kitchen appliance you used to make cheese fondue (and it was a pain in the ass), or that huge monstrosity of an SUV that’s slowly sucking away your hard-earned money…

All in the name of fitting in and looking like someone important in society.

You know what they say:

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

In this process of shifting to a greater perspective, this is one of the things you face.

The Mirror of Erised

If you’re a Harry Potter fan (Potterhead), then you know this reference.

In the first book of the series, it is placed on campus where Ron and Harry discover it. The magic mirror provides the reflection of the individual standing before it, but it also includes their deepest desire as well. For Ron, the aspiration to become Head Boy and a Quidditch player is his is greatest wish. For Harry, he wishes that his parents were still alive, and he would have given anything to be a normal wizard.

This mirror is now in our pockets.

We whip it out without thinking. Swipe it, tap to our favorite social media site, and begin scrolling. The muggle (non-magical) version of this mirror is very much a reality. It distorts our identity and our legacy, showing us endless distractions and learning from our every interaction with it. Algorithms that underpin these sites keep us there for as long as possible so that corporations can show us ads for their products…

In less than two decades, we’ve opened a Pandora’s Box to hijack our psyche.

Eventually, Dumbledore appears to speak with Harry as he spends night after night staring into the mirror. He warns him of how dangerous the artifact can be, how people have wasted away before it, staring longingly at their greatest wishes rather than pursuing them, taking action to face reality, and resolving their struggles. He also states that the person who is at peace with himself will only see his reflection in the mirror.

In a way, that is the purpose of creating a digital heirloom as well.

It’s a head fake in that the motivation for it is to leave behind a legacy based on your identity, but the process enables you to discover, reaffirm, and recommit to your personal aspirations and purpose.

Shifting your mindset means shifting how you use your mirror.

The deprogramming of cult-like influences

This is the crux of what I’m writing towards.

Critical thinking is the sword and shield against cult-of-personality. Refocusing yourself towards reality requires presence, prismatic thinking, understanding of communication and marketing principles.

These are the skills you need in order to armor yourself against the potholes and dead-ends that seem to be baked into social media these days. Greatest among them are the pyramid schemes, the illusion of success, and now AI generated avatars along with their fake content.

The ones who sell the shovels are among the most vocal about their success.

If it’s too good to be true, then it is.

If you see a pitch and can’t tell what the product is by the time it’s done, the product is YOU.

If you find yourself endlessly refreshing the metrics after you’ve posted, then you’re chasing validation.

Everyone who’s been in the content creation game that cares about your journey will share this truth: your version of success is the one that must be defined without consideration for what the platform wants. It’s about what you can offer to your audience that matters, not what the algorithm finds to be best for their corporate overlords.

If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything.

Validation creep is something that has to be managed carefully, pragmatically, and with acute self-awareness. If you’re the type who just has to keep up with the Jones’s for appearances, then this shiny-object syndrome is going to be a tough nut to crack. I know it was for me when I first started exploring content creation.

• giveaways

• swipe files

• mini courses

Every lead magnet out there works, but you can’t do all of them at once. Chasing after them before you’ve even established your “why”, who your audience is, or whether or not you even want to produce content regularly is why the vast majority of aspirational solopreneurs burn out before even a month has gone by.

What are your metrics for success?

Is it one like? One share? One comment?

It’s better if you just show up and create something, anything, for at least a month.

The truth is that your success metrics will evolve with your progression. Instead of comparing yourself to the big game hunters out there by asking “How do I measure up?”, ask instead “What am I measuring?”

Make it concrete.

Stop comparing your follower count, your likes, and your reposts to those of your favorite celebrity.

Start making the commitment to building confidence in your ability to simply create something that centers around your values, beliefs, and your identity.

Don’t let others steal your joy

It’s really difficult, and you will slip up every now and then.

When I’m checking out posts on Substack or reading Medium articles from my favorite writers, I can feel that pull. “You’ve been here just as long as them, but you’ve got nothing close to what they have.” that voice whispers.

“I’m not them.”

And you aren’t. It’s pointless to compare your progress to theirs. Their life isn’t yours, and their responsibilities and obligations aren’t the same as yours. If you’re like me, a 9-5 parent of infants up to elementary school-age kids, then you know that there’s not much time for us.

• I used to compare myself to the high schoolers and college-age kids who were growing monumental followings on Twitter.

• I used to compare myself to divorced fathers who didn’t have custody of their kids.

• I used to compare myself to young professionals who were discovering that their chosen profession wasn’t all they hoped it would be.

I. Tortured. Myself.

Then, I started figuring out my real motivations in life, everything that I wanted to say, and how to find the time to say it.

Reflect on your success statement. What does that look like for you? Even if it’s a bit vague, keep coming back to it and clarify on it as you learn more about yourself.

Next time, I’ll share some thoughts on discovering the teacher within you…the aspirational mindset.