How to guide others with intention

It doesn’t happen overnight.

It doesn’t happen when you expect it to either.

You don’t have to be a certain age, at a certain stage in your life, or a certain level of proficiency.

Mentorship doesn’t start when you become the master.

It’s the way you become the master.

A confession and a truth about this process

I’ve mentioned my disdain for those who jump on the bandwagon with the intention of solely making a buck.

The truth is that mentorship isn’t about having all the answers ready at your fingertips to dispense like a snack machine. You are not another oracle, and you certainly aren’t going to aspire to become like AI and parrot whatever others prompt you to say.

The most effective way to be a mentor is to intentionally seek out others who are also interested in the same things you are pursuing.

This is how children naturally grow. This is why the younger sibling always tags along behind the older one. This is why you have to be on your toes whenever you say or do things as a parent. Others are always watching and parsing and internalizing what they see and hear; little furbies lurking just around the corner.

You have the power to choose when you want to share what you’ve learned.

There’s no set rule as to how long you have to possess the knowledge, skill, or experience, just that you have it and can demonstrate its effectiveness and consistency. This is why the “professor effect” is so irritating. You think you have something down, but the moment you attempt to replicate it in front of someone, it fails.

That’s a clear sign that you’re on the way, but that mentorship is still not quite within the realm of possibility.

People that forge ahead and intentionally put themselves out there are gurus, and they do far more harm than good…all for the sake of making money as soon as possible.

Can you tell that this is a sore sticking point for me after watching scam after scam crop up on the internet?

There’s something powerful about turning around and sharing your experiences with those who are “two steps behind”. However, this concept has become cliché and completely overused to the point where it has long since lost its meaning. Either you know your stuff or you don’t. Only the power of persuasion and sketchy marketing defines how long it is before others discover the truth.

Leaving that aside, you don’t have to climb up the ladder to throw down a rope…you just need to be willing to keep climbing as you pull others up rung-by-rung.

It’s a choice that changes everything.

Don’t overdo it: the other extreme

The art of teaching requires a substantial amount of patience.

People are not algorithms or computers or AI. Communication between individuals will always have some gaps in knowledge transfer as well as time needed for things to sink in. Mentees can’t be programmed line-by-line to have the entire application loaded into them like in “The Matrix”.

At least not yet.

To that end, you can’t literally “throw the book” at people and expect them to become experts in thermo-astro-nuclear-physics in one day. They’re going to get overwhelmed if you show them a punch and then proceed to share every detail that you’ve learned from thousands of repetitions when they’ve barely learned to put their gi on.

You have to treat it like the tutorial section or the starting zone in video games.

The first ten levels are all about getting a handle on the basic mechanics of a small set of skills. You get a few fetch quests that facilitate your ability to move your avatar around the environment and learn the ropes of attacking, defending, and dodging. Your inventory is tiny. Your equipment consists of the clothes on your back and a crappy weapon or a simple spell.

You learn to take a few hits and what the best set of actions are in a few simple situations.

As you progress, these actions become the templates or frameworks upon which you build to more complex actions, are introduced to more advanced tactics and strategies, until you are encouraged to gather a party to take on larger challenges, monsters, and bigger rewards. Stage by stage, level by level, you master every aspect and mechanic of the game to become a respected leader of a guild or the go-to tank or healer in massive raids.

The game is mentoring you to become the badass; the hero you are meant to become.

Or you could just be the richest man in the world and pay for someone to do it before you take over and make a damn fool of yourself on a live stream. It’s what it looks like when a person is trying to drive a lambo when they just got a beginner permit.

Intentional mentorship takes time, patience, and significant effort.

There are NO shortcuts in mastery, only heuristics that streamline execution until you hit a wall in understanding and are forced to backtrack to truly make progress.

Integrating mentorship into your life

In reality, you are a mentor on many levels and in all aspects of life.

Your job is to become aware of when this happens and choose to do it with intent, with a plan, and with care. It’s not easy, and it’s not pretty, but once you choose to take this step, doors start to open up where there were once endless smooth corridors in your life.

Here are some examples:

• Family - share your achievement and describe how you got there

• Career - give a talk, write an article, present your findings on the state-of-the-art

• Community - spearhead a movement to change a law, start a fund, put together a volunteer program

The hardest part about intentional mentorship is making the commitment to the people you can help. It’s not just something you do on the side. It’s something that is a part of your life that you focus on steadily.

It’s the visible portion of the digital heirloom that you put together here.

People are seeking your help. It’s up to you to discover how to serve them.

That mindset is what I’ll talk about next time.