Taking the "L" train to Failureville

“It’s not someone you would think.”

My piano teacher had the kindness to not embarrass me in front of the class that day. Over the past few weeks, I had become…distracted…with my high school relationship. Teenage angst and puppy love are lethal combinations for even the most studious adolescents.

I paid the price for that by being the only person in the group who didn’t qualify to perform onstage.

For me, if I fail, I fail hard…like whoa.

Nobody likes to do it. It’s not pleasant. It’s not pretty. It sure as shit ain’t fun.

But it teaches you a lot more than when things are going well.

Let’s talk about how to make the best lemonade out of the lemons you harvest in life (because they aren’t actually handed to you, ya gotta pick’em!)

The hard way is unfortunately the best way

It sucks, but the lessons that leave a mark are the ones that stick with you.

Scar tissue of the soul doesn’t ever fully disappear, and each of us has it to some degree. After that first relationship fell apart at the first taste of a long-distance in my freshman year of college, I didn’t even consider having another one until I met my wife nearly a lifetime later (yes, my mid-30’s!)

You won’t know what you’ll do until life punches you in the face.

As a martial artist I’ve had my share of head shots, kicks to the mouth, knees to the crotch, and everything in between. I have a pretty good idea of what it’s like to eat humble pie, but I know that it’s a relative thing and that I have been lucky that I’ve had to seek out situations where I could get that experience.

The majority of people in the world aren’t so lucky.

Two flavors of failure

You know it’s coming.

You’ve been procrastinating for weeks, months even, on the project. “Plenty of time.” you think to yourself. Day by day, the deadline approaches like the Titanic towards the iceberg, the perfect storm brewing as the fog of time thickens.

All of a sudden, it’s the night before, and all you have are “concepts of a plan”.

You’ve got two flavors of failure to choose from at this point:

1. Productive - you go down fighting, pull the all-nighter to manage a “C-”, and vow you’ll never do this again (at least until the next semester)

2. Destructive - throw up the middle finger to the class and take the “L” or rather, the “F”, crippling your GPA like an arrow to the knee

Granted, there are those god-like beings who choose the former and get an “A” because they’re gifted like that. In your 20’s, everything is salvageable. My cynical side also acknowledges there are weasels who fall in the latter category who get daddy to fix the situation with money…or do it themselves.

I believe in karma, though.

Nothing in life is without consequence. Sooner or later, the bill comes due. Equivalent exchange really does exist in the real world (not just in alchemy.)

The key to it all is extraction of wisdom from the experience. You’re going down, but you might as well get a few shots in on the way before the fat lady sings.

Making the most of a bad situation

No if’s, and’s, or but’(t)s about it.

If you’re about to be screwed, whether it be self-inflicted or beyond your control or a combination of both, you have a choice.

• the toddler approach: whine and point fingers and find something or someone to blame

• the grown-up approach: learn from your mistakes, make amens and apologies, and strive to do better in the future

You’d be surprised how many big babies there are in the world…or not. Check out the news cycle to get prime examples splattered across the front page.

For my example, I realized that I had to redouble my efforts in prioritizing my time management skills so that I could focus on practice sessions during the day and devoting time to my girlfriend more during mealtimes and the evenings before lights out (I attended a residential program). It was a relatively minor setback in the grand scheme of my high school career, but it was an emotional ball-buster to my reputation.

Reframing a bad situation is like hunting for diamonds in a pile of poop. It stinks no matter where you stand, but at least you can spot the shiny areas if you look at the just the right angle.

So what about you? What do you do when you get served a slice of humble pie? Do you throw it on the floor “Lonely Island” style? Do you suck it up and eat it right then and there? Do you take it in a to-go box and leave it in the fridge too long and scarf it down when there’s no other option later?

Next time, we’ll take a crack at another facet of resilience that is near and dear to many of us: the post-honeymoon phase after the burst of motivation has faded and the real slog begins.