The Baggage That is Tethered to You

It’s a familiar sensation…

Every action you take feels like it’s out of place or like it’s not what you are meant to do.

Guilt is a constant companion that whispers its way into your mind.

When you are going through the motions, your presence is nonexistent, and you’ve already let your mind wander to the next thing even as this one is only half-complete, it’s like you’re only scratching the surface of what your life is meant to be.

We’ve all gone through this at one point or another.

Perhaps you’re in this stage right now; the one where everywhere you turn, the baggage of your past mistakes drag you down as you squander the present by dreaming of a future that you absolutely wish to happen rather than focusing on the actions, however small, that will take you there.

The awareness of this injustice is the source of your guilt…and that’s the worst feeling of all.

Knowing that you are sabotaging yourself day in and day out, but unable to hoist yourself up and out of the rut, you’re stuck in the passenger seat of your life.

How do you take back the wheel and let go of the baggage?

I don’t have all the answers, but I know that I’m not alone in pursuing them.

The weird thing is that we’ve all somehow escaped this guilt-ridden horror ride at least once, but the circumstances of how are never the same.

Somehow, we got our mojo back.

Maybe it’s like in “Cars 3” when McQueen realizes that it’s not about his achievements that take center stage…or “Toys 3” when Woody accepts that his role isn’t always going to be with the same person.

Can you tell I’m right in the middle of the first stage of parenting?

Anyway, I don’t have a silver bullet, but I’ve cultivated the mindset to begin the healing process.

Here are two challenges in my life that weigh me down with baggage, and what I’ve been doing to address them.

Everything has a purpose…but know this first

We let our upbringing define our identity but use the present to wish to be something more.

I was taught that as an Asian American, I had to be better than everyone else at everything that I did in order to stand out.

Here in the Deep South, being surrounded by a population that was mostly black and white, it seemed to make sense.

Our little community, “the village” as we came to call it, was an island in the middle of this ocean.

We were spread out just far enough that we didn’t all cluster into the same schools to end up competing with one another. That didn’t even start happening until we had to apply for colleges.

Even then, it wasn’t as if we were at each other’s throats.

But the mentality had been instilled into each of us; that we had to excel in order to have even a snowball’s chance in hell.

To that end, anxiety was the cornerstone of our existence. It fueled our purpose to show that even though we didn’t look like our peers, that we deserved a seat at the table.

It was a survival technique.

It became our anchors.

While I understand why this was taught to me now, the side effect is that I’m having to undo a lot of that fear…

especially as I am now writing for the world to see on social media platforms.

Fortunately, writing is a natural salve to this mental affliction.

Funny…I initially mistyped “salve” as “slave” (something to chew on).

The more I write about my past and my identity, the less anxiety I have, and the more compassion and understanding I feel for my parents.

As immigrants, they had a very hard time integrating into society.

If it weren’t for the village, our experiences growing up would have been far less pleasant.

In the current political climate, all that my parent’s generation worked for seems more uncertain than ever…

But as I write, I realize that the present must be lived with a purpose; one that is beyond simply to care and provide for my family.

We have to pursue a higher calling while being mindful that it doesn’t repurpose us as a means to its end.

Religion, politics, corporate greed, even entrepreneurship…these are all higher callings that easily swallow up and assimilate entire groups for good or ill.

This is why writing is so powerful. It forces you to establish your identity apart from these movements and sharpens your mind to define your boundaries.

Even though I write for my children and to establish my digital footprint, I write to defend myself as well.

I aspire, like many, to demonstrate that “ the pen is mightier than the sword” as Edward Bulwer-Lytton stated.

Don’t neglect this basic thing as you move forward

My father lost his leg in a car accident a year before I was born.

He wasn’t even in a vehicle.

He was standing in front of it when it happened.

I grew up watching my father ignore the disability that amputees are entitled to use.

He could have allowed it to stop him from doing anything.

He could have simply used it as an excuse when he fell short.

He never once did so, and to this day doesn’t even acknowledge that he’s missing a leg at all.

This resilience also shaped my view of physical fitness.

Don’t ignore your body or its maintenance.

While I’ve never excelled in sports, I have been a lifelong practitioner of the martial arts as well as dance.

Whatever you do, don’t stop moving.

Stay flexible.

Strive for body utility.

A benchmark I like to use is that you should have the ability to push, press, lift, and squat your own weight at least once without discomfort.

If not, then either fix your diet to lose fat or gain muscle.

Being a parent pretty much requires you to at least keep pace with your children.

They’re like steadily-increasing weight vests that can shift to any part of your body at a moment’s notice.

You’re running after them once they’re mobile, and you are cleaning up after them for a few years.

I’m just now beginning to pull away from this season of life as they start learning to do chores themselves.

In any case, I do my best to live by example for them in the things I do and the way I eat.

If you want to be around to see them grow up, then you need to take care of yourself.

My kids get to see my parents at least once a week.

Dad can’t keep up with them as long as he did with me, but he’s enjoying his time with them.

Mind + Body = Spirit

This is getting a little long, but I’ve made my point.

If nothing else, writing and fitness are the two things that 99% of people seem to ignore for themselves.

Even if you don’t ever post a single thing on the internet, writing helps you unwind, define yourself, and vent your frustrations in life.

Even if you never compete in a single marathon or sporting event, eating well and maintaining your physical performance ensures you are capable of being your best self.

If nothing else, with a clear mind and useful body, you have a good chance of improving your connections with your loved ones and society in general.

That’s more than enough in life.

Happy New Year!

2025 begins…