The will of fire

When a leader dies in battle, everyone feels the loss in different ways with different intensities.

In anime and manga series, this is acutely depicted. If you’re familiar with this part of Japanese culture, then the title of this issue is familiar, if not thoroughly so. It’s a reference to the death of the third leader of the village of Konohagakure (the main village of the nation of fire) and his wish for each generation to inherit the will and spirit upon which the realm was founded.

The main characters of the series are all present to pay their respects and to reflect on the meaning and the impact of his life.

It’s not about pounding the idea of overcoming obstacles into those who come after you. It’s about the example by which you lead your own life that they model.

You can’t shield your children from hardship and pain forever.

The hardest lesson in parenting

Children copy everything they see.

You won’t know when or where they’ll see something and reveal that they are aware of far more than you realize. You, too, once were a child, and you had your share of sneaking around and silent observation sessions. Everyone has been a copy ninja at one point or another in their lives (another reference to that manga series).

How you respond to and handle the crises of your life can be absorbed when you least expect it.

Resilience, perseverance, and overcoming obstacles are all going to be revealed over time, especially when you’re a part of a family. They say that familiarity breeds contempt, but I say that’s only part of the picture (one that applies more for adults).

It also breeds imitation when it comes to kids.

As they say, resilience is caught, not taught. You can lecture your kids until the cows come home, but it’s what you do and how you conduct yourself around others that will be mirrored, imitated, duplicated. These are the things they will embody.

As a parent, I have caught myself uttering phrases and responding to situations in similar fashion to both my mother and father. I confess (much to my horror/amusement/despair) that I am much more like them than I could admit upon having a family of my own. There is one thing that I’m trying to break free of when it comes to parenting, though.

A bit of slack

I’m a little more authoritative in that I’m less overprotective and more supportive, and sooner in life than when my parents decided to make that shift.

Up until the age of 18, I wasn’t allowed to do a number of things that I’m under the impression (perhaps erroneously) that other’s in my peer group were.

• Going on dates

• Driving out of town

• Staying out up until 11 PM

Even when I returned home as a 27 year old freshly-minted PhD graduate, it felt very strange to be living with them as a tenure-track professor. It was practical and great in a lot of ways, but it was also stifling and a bit unnerving to feel like an oversized child living on the second floor of the house.

I think this was my true adolescent experience with my parents.

During this period of time, I had slightly more freedom to come and go as I pleased, yet I still felt that invisible leash that seemed to exist even as I created small opportunities for challenges beyond my comfort zone. It was during this period that I moonlighted as an actor and became heavily involved in the booming theater community.

Professor by day, thespian by night.

For my own kids, I give repeated warnings about consequences that could befall them if they don’t heed my words. Not because I’m going to punish them by reducing their access to their tablets (which I do), but more for the immediate results of their actions.

• eat too much junk food, get fat

• don’t sleep enough, get tired at school

• lie to your friends, lose popularity and invitations

They’re still really young, though, so their choices aren’t going to result in anything that’s completely irreversible.

Thankfully, neither of mine have had injuries that require stitches or casts. Still, I marvel at their ability to recover so quickly (little Wolverines). Someday, I’ll tell them stories about these situations when they’re old enough to understand the implications.

Tales of resilience

The more you accomplish, the more stories you’ll have about how you overcame challenges and obstacles.

As a parent, a mentor, or a leader in any capacity, having these tales to share with those who come seeking advice will be invaluable both to your real life and digital legacy. One of the most important skills you can cultivate is your ability to tell a good story. I’ve come across this piece of advice over and over again throughout this journey, and it’s one that I take to heart.

I really sucked/still suck at telling good stories, but I’m working on it.

Come to think of it, my mom is the only one who really told us any stories when I was a child. My father always just stated facts or told jokes or gave the before and after of an action.

That’s a realization that reveals a lot about why I became so bad at it.

Great, another thing that I want to fix, but it’s one that is essential. The wonderful thing about this discovery is that there’s plenty of time to address it, and I’m glad that I’m trying now with writing daily.

You inherit the will of fire from those that you encounter throughout your life.

What’s your resilience story?

In the final issue of this section, we’ll talk about the final piece of the puzzle that I touched on briefly here…perseverance.