What drives you forward?

I stared at my hands, studying their shape.

Fingers long and willowy, but not nearly as long as my brother’s.

They were a little more solid at the palm.

“Water hands” as they were described in the book I was reading about identity.

It was 2013.

Back then, I had time to sit in my favorite café, “The Drip”, in Columbia, SC.

I was single, free, and completely lost.

It was around this time that I resurrected my journaling and doodling in notebooks.

Throughout my life, I had done it on and off. I had never stuck with it for more than a year or two at a time.

It would be my second attempt, and one that would end again when I picked up swing dance and meet my future wife.

What you’re reading now is the result of the third attempt that started over two years ago.

So when I say that I’ve tinkered with this idea for a good chunk of my life, bridged by bursts of writing, I mean it.

This one is the longest period of time that I’ve stuck with it.

So let’s make the most of it by starting at the surface of you.

This is how I began with the mind mining process at the age of 40.

What shapes your identity?

It’s a lot of little things, really.

You’re a mishmash, hodge-podge, katamari, of experiences that stem from experiences, family, and your environment.

It’s happening all the time, every second, with every breath you take.

Your identity is a big ball of water suspended in the air with a million gems swirling about…

There are layers to your identity as well.

You aren’t just one identity at all times. You can’t be.

Who you are in public, at work, at home, in front of your parents, your spouse, your kids…these are all different facets of you.

Your personal, cultural, social, professional, and digital identities are all interconnect to each other, and they’re all categorized into two groups: self-identity, and social labels.

They’re ingredients that make you the yummy person that you are today.

Sugar. Spice. And everything nice.

You know, like the Powerpuff Girls…

Let’s go from the external aspects first.

The external stuff that shapes you

If you ask someone who knows you well to describe you in three words, what would they say about you?

Would it be completely different from how you describe yourself?

The difference indicates the internal and external factors.

You were raised a certain way by your parents to believe in certain things.

Their values and beliefs were based on their upbringing by their parents.

And so on and so forth…

But that’s not all.

You went out and explored the world and gained new experiences that were very different from the ones that your parents had access to.

The environment for each generation shifted and changed.

Technology at each stage shrank the world and brought it closer and closer and closer…

Now everything is in the palm of your hand, easily accessible with the phone you carry.

AI promises to make information interactive so that you can simply ask and receive (at least that’s the theory).

Your identity is shaped by your family, your experiences, and your environment.

There are layers and layers and layers of residual elements from each previous generation that rapidly fall off in influence.

Think about it for a second.

If you’re a parent, then you know just how much influence they have over you when you find yourself saying the exact same thing in the exact same way (accent and all) to your kids one day.

Freaky, huh?

Society labels you based on your behavior from these externalities.

BUT…(and it’s a huge one)

You have the power of choice.

That’s where the internal stuff comes up.

The internal stuff that you shape

I remember the first time that my identity took a real beating.

1989…the playground during recess…

“Say something in Chinese!”

“C’mon, Mr. Miyagi, you can do it!”

“Ching chong, ching chong…”

Kids don’t know any better.

That was the first time I became aware that I was different from the rest of the white and black kids at school…

I was neither.

It wasn’t just the color of my skin, either.

It was the fact that I spoke two languages and had another set of holidays that I observed, another set of traditions and viewpoints, another set of cultural norms.

And they were being pointed out for the amusement of others next to a swing set.

As I grew up and tapped into this duality, I became aware of another incredible thing.

I had options.

I could choose how “American” I wanted to be and how “Chinese” I wanted to be.

In the interest of blending in, I rebelled against my heritage and rejected it for years.

Sure, I studied and learned Chinese, but I didn’t speak it very much.

I avoided drawing attention to it in school, especially during middle school (man, I hated puberty).

My self-identity emphasized the "American” in “Asian American”.

It wasn’t until I began to feel like a foreigner speaking English to my parents while they responded in Mandarin that I began to feel that cognitive dissonance.

That was when I started my first journaling stint that gradually petered out in college.

But it started the self-identity process.

How you see yourself is dependent on how you choose to respond to the external forces described in the previous section.

Your personal journey is a series of choices you can make about your identity, and the sooner you understand this, the better off you are when a larger movement comes along and tries to repurpose this process.

Religion., politics, fraternities, sororities, special interest clubs and societies…

all of these have a chance to hoover you up into their cause and spit you out the moment you no longer fit in.

Without a solid core identity that you understand, you will desperately cling to those borrowed identities to feel like you belong.

Make no mistake, your identity will always be evolving and changing regardless of your age.

It’s a gobstopper that grows bigger and tougher over time.

Don’t let a “Wreck-It Ralph” come along and split it open and destroy it for they’re purposes.

Reflection

If you’ve never taken a moment to dig into your own head, then here’s your chance.

What factors have affected your journey and your identity?

• Think about your background, your culture, your social activities, your professional career aspirations, and your digital presence (or lack thereof).

• Think about the labels you’ve placed upon yourself as well as the labels that society has given to you.

Where did they come from? Be honest. Nobody is judging you when you’re alone in the mines.

This is all you.

What you discover is for you to hold to the light or toss back into the depths.

I encourage you to do the latter, though.

That’s the beginning of a true digital heirloom.